Lost in London
by K.D. Toling
Summary: After a slight mishap, Fred, George, and Lee get lost in Muggle London...much to their amusement, of course! Will London ever be the same? *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1: A Chase and a Choice

Author's Note: I was looking over this story the other day, and I noticed a few areas in each chapter that needed a bit of improvement, so I went back and made some changes. I hope it reads a bit smoother now! 

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but this story is really only about Fred, George, and Lee, so the fact that I don't own_ him_ isn't really important, is it? (Oh, and I don't own Fred, George, and Lee either.)

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IMPORTANT: This story takes place the summer that Harry got his Hogwarts letter, so Fred, George, and Lee are about 13 or so.

Chapter 1: A Chase and a Choice

"Really excellent of my cousin to give us a discount on all those Dungbombs, eh?" said Lee brightly as he, Fred, and George followed Mrs. Weasley, Percy, Ron, and Ginny back into the Leaky Cauldron after a morning of shopping at Diagon Alley, the highpoint for the three boys having been their visit to the local joke shop. 

Lee, who was staying with the Weasleys for the summer, had a cousin who owned the joke shop and always let the three of them shop at half price. Fred and George nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, can't wait to set them off in Snape's class," said Fred dreamily. 

Most unfortunately, Percy, the newly elected boy prefect of Gryffindor, overheard him. "You'll do no such thing!" he said bossily, fixing them with a threatening glare. 

George gave a very loud yawn in response and Fred, struggling to keep a straight face, said, "You know, Perce, I reckon you're spending way too much time with Mum--"

"--because that's exactly what she told us when she overheard our plan to see if the giant squid would eat that Slytherin git, Marcus Flint," finished George. 

Percy scowled and opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment, his new owl, Hermes, screeched loudly and caught his attention instead. While Percy was busy with his owl, Fred, George, and Lee snuck away from him and headed over to where Mrs. Weasley was handing Ron and Ginny some Floo Powder from her purse so they could all go back to the Burrow.

"All right, who's next?" she asked, turning as Ginny vanished into the green flames. 

"_I'll_ go, mother," said Percy in a stuffy voice, casting one more haughty look in the three boys' direction before moving over to the fireplace. "Someone will need to bring Hermes with them. My hands are full with my _new_ robes," he added smugly, causing Fred, George, and Lee to roll their eyes. 

Percy'd gotten Hermes and new robes for being made prefect, and he seemed to love to remind everyone else of this fact whenever possible.

"All right, dear," said Mrs. Weasley fondly, handing Percy his Floo Powder. 

As he too vanished into the flames, Mrs. Weasley turned to Fred, George, and Lee.

"I'll go through with our shopping now. One of you will need to bring Hermes when you come. Here's your Floo Powder, and mind, you are to come _home_, not off to Zonko's like last time! You'll be able to go there once you get to school," added Mrs. Weasley warningly, shifting the many packages she was carrying and handing each of them a small handful of Floo Powder before she tossed her powder into the fireplace and was soon whizzing off to the Burrow.

"You take Hermes, Fred. I'm not carrying Percy's owl," said George, picking up the owl's cage disdainfully and tossing it to Fred, who caught it roughly as Hermes gave a loud screech.

"Oh no you don't! I'm not carrying anything of Perfect Percy's," said Fred, screwing up his face in disgust and tossing the cage to Lee instead.

Lee, who had been rather amusedly watching Fred and George toss the now highly disgruntled owl around, was caught off guard as Fred threw Hermes to him. He tried to catch Hermes' cage, but missed, and, with a loud clatter, the cage fell to the floor, bursting open on impact. Screeching indignantly at the three of them, Hermes flew out and soared out the door as a witch walked in, nearly knocking her hat off as he did so. For a moment, Fred George, and Lee just gaped at each other in horror, then, all at once, dashed outside after the owl.

"OI! HERMES!" bellowed Fred as he led the way outside, attracting several curious stares from passing Muggles as he yelled.

"There he goes!" said Lee, pointing down the street to where the owl was sweeping over the sidewalk. 

The three boys sprinted after him. They kept up the chase for nearly fifteen minutes, following the twisting and turning streets of London as they pursued Hermes.

Finally, they were forced to stop for a moment and catch their breaths, during which time Hermes promptly vanished from sight.

"P-Percy's...gonna...kill us," gasped George, clutching at a stitch in his side.

"Stupid...owl," grumbled Fred. "No wonder why...why Percy picked him; they're...both thick gits."

"He'll probably...probably head to your house," said Lee, who was leaning with one hand against the side of the building next to them as he bent and tried to catch his breath.

"Yeah, and now, that's where we've got to go," said Fred grimly. "I don't reckon Percy'll be too thrilled when we tell him about this." 

George, however, was looking around, an uneasy look replacing his winded one. "Er...do either of you remember the way back to the Leaky Cauldron?" he asked. 

Fred and Lee looked at each other, then turned to George and shook their heads.

"All I remember is that we came from that way," said Lee, jerking his thumb in the direction they'd come from.

"Hm...don't expect that Mum'll be to pleased when she hears about this one," said George, frowning slightly. 

Fred, however, was looking ahead of them, a slight smirk beginning to twitch at his lips in spite of the situation.

"Up to doing some sight-seeing before we try to find our way back and get yelled at?" he asked lightly, turning back to face them. 

George raised his eyebrows to show that he was interested. "What d'you mean, exactly?" he asked.

"Well, we've never been to Muggle London, not really," said Fred. "It could be interesting."

Lee, however, was looking slightly uncertain. "What about your mum?" he asked, looking quickly over his shoulder as though expecting to see Mrs. Weasley storming up to tell them off right then and there. "George even said that she won't be very happy when we go back, and we get yelled at enough while we're at school."

"True," said George, looking from Lee to Fred as though not sure who had the best point. 

"Look," said Fred quickly, "We can either go back now and get yelled at for not coming right home, or we can have a bit of fun and _then_ go back and get yelled at for not coming right home, so why not take our time heading back?"

George and Lee were silent for a moment, then--

"C'mon, what are you two waiting for?" said Lee suddenly, as though Fred and George were holding him up. "Muggle London awaits!"

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Yeah, it's short so far, but I think some of the later chapters'll be longer. Oh, and don't forget to REVIEW! :)


	2. Chapter 2: Mayhem at the Market

Author's Note: Continuing on with the revision process, here's the (hopefully) improved second chapter. 

Disclaimer: Answer me this: am I a highly successful British author who is very skilled at writing? No, I didn't think so. Therefore, I can't possibly own Harry Potter and co, can I?

Chapter 2: Mayhem at the Market

Fred, George, and Lee walked farther down the street, coming across what seemed to be a large outdoor market near the end of it.

"Shall we have a look?" asked Fred eagerly, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"More than a look, I hope," replied George.

"Excellent," said Fred, smirking in the manner of a child that had been given an early Christmas present.

They walked into the midst of the crowd, looking left and right at the various items that Muggles were selling.

"What d'you reckon that is?" asked George, pointing at a cassette tape on display at a stand as they passed.

"Dunno...some sort of weapon?" suggested Lee with a shrug.

"Ugh! Look at _that_!" said Fred, a revolted look on his face as he pointed at a fluffy pink rug that was on display a few stands away.

"Looks like something you'd find in Ginny's room," said George, looking at the rug in obvious distaste.

"Or in Snape's office," muttered Lee, causing all three of them to snigger as they remembered the time the year before when they'd turned Snape's office furniture pink in revenge for an extremely long essay he'd assigned. The two weeks of detention had been, in their opinion, well worth it.

"Look over there," said Lee, pointing to a make-up stand that a group of chattering girls had gathered around. 

"Ah, the perfect way to test our purchases from your cousin's joke shop," said Fred to Lee, smirking as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle of perfume. 

With a wink at George and Lee, he walked over to the group of girls, George and Lee exchanging a look that said "Well, this ought to be interesting," before following.

"Hello, ladies, nice day, isn't it?" asked Fred brightly, the bottle of perfume behind his back as he stepped up to the girls, who turned to face him, George, and Lee, and began to giggle.

"Hello," said a girl with long, blonde hair. She smiled at Fred, George, and Lee as though hoping to impress them. They all smiled back at her, causing all of the girl's friends to blush and giggle again.

"Listen," said Fred casually, bringing the perfume out from behind him and showing it to the girls, "How would you like to try this new perfume?" 

The blonde girl smiled and tossed back her hair as she took the bottle from Fred.

"What scent is it?" she asked.

"New one, just came out in France," said George, winking at Fred and Lee. 

The girl removed the cap and sprayed some perfume on herself, passing it around to her friends.

"How long does it take to work?" muttered George to Lee. Suddenly, all of the girls choked and plugged their noses.

"EEEWWW! This stuff reeks!" gasped one of them.

"Oh, I'd say about that long," muttered Lee back as Fred and George began to snigger. 

The blonde girl stormed up to Fred, an enraged look on her face as she thrust the bottle of perfume back into Fred's hands.

_"What is this stuff?"_ she demanded shrilly as people that passed her and her friends clapped their hands over their noses and walked by as fast as they could.

"Why, it's Essence of Dungbomb," said Fred, as though anyone with half a brain would have realized this. "A real head-turner, as you can see," he added with a mischievous grin as more people hurried by with looks of disgust on their faces as they passed the girl and her friends. 

The girl swung her hand back and slapped Fred across the face before running off with her friends, the people they passed all plugging their noses and hurrying in the opposite direction.

"She just couldn't keep her hands off of me, that one," said Fred, sighing as though several women had that problem.

"How long d'you expect it'll take them to wash off the smell?" asked Lee.

"Hm...considering they'll be using Muggle soap, I'd say only a few days or so," said George with a shrug.

"Where now?" asked Lee, glancing up and down the street. 

George looked around and spotted a park in the distance. "Anyone for the park?" he suggested.

"All right, then," agreed Lee.

"Just one thing, though," said Fred.

"What's that, mate?" asked Lee. 

"If we see any more girls, you two can have them," said Fred as he rubbed his cheek gingerly. "Honestly, I think that girl must've been a Bludger in a past life."

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So ends another chapter. Tell me what you thought!

Response to reviewers:

Aislin-Black: I'm glad you liked my portrayal of Fred and George, because I was a bit worried that I would go really out of character when I wrote about them, so I'm glad that you think they were okay in that aspect. As to them causing a huge ruckus in London, let me say this: "huge ruckus" is a bit of an understatement for them! **:-)**

S.D. Chesko: Heading for disaster? Now why would anything these three are involved in be heading for disaster? *looks around innocently* I can't imagine where you got _that_ idea! Also, please call Professor V. by his nickname! 

Don't forget to review! Constructive criticism is welcome, as I'm always looking for ways to improve, so don't be shy, just REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Speak Your Mind at Spea...

Author's Note: Oy, there was a lot of things that needed repairing in this chapter, but I'm happy with it now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and co. All I own in this chapter is Dr. Lingsworth, but, as you'll see, he's not exactly the most pleasant little bloke to own. Maybe J.K. will give my Harry Potter and co. if I give her him? Nah, I didn't think so.

Chapter 3: Don't Speak Your Mind at Speaker's Corner

"There sure are a lot of flowers here, aren't there?" commented Lee as they walked through the park.

"At least these don't attack you when you walk by," muttered Fred, thinking of the plants in the greenhouses at Hogwarts.

"Yeah, I don't reckon Sprout would like them," replied Lee, glancing over at a small yellow flower. "No venom, puss, or fangs on any of them." 

After a while, they came upon a small crowd of people.

"What's this all about?" asked George as they halted at the back of the crowd.

A man in front of him turned and said, "Dr. Lingsworth is giving a speech on how public violence is out of hand these days. One of the most interesting lectures I've heard here at Speaker's Corner in a while, actually. He's quite brilliant, Dr. Lingsworth."

"Oh...erm, right. Love that Dr. Lingsworth!" said Fred enthusiastically. "Um...who's Dr. Lingsworth?" he muttered to George and Lee when the man had turned away from them.

"My guess is, he's that short bloke over there that's talking," said Lee, pointing to the front of the crowd to where a rather small man was speaking.

"...and the rate of robberies and vandalism has simply skyrocketed!" a very short man was said. "It's all these young people nowadays, they're--"

"Excuse me," said George indignantly, causing several people to turn and look at him. "But what have you got against 'young people'?" 

Lingsworth regarded George with a rather annoyed look. "Not to mention how_ rude_ they've become," he said haughtily to the crowd. "Honestly, it's--"

"_Rude?_" said Lee incredulously. "Rude is not answering his question, if you ask me," he said, indicating George. 

Lingsworth turned to face them again, his face showing that he was quickly growing tired being interrupted.

"Will you _kindly_ stop interrupting me?" he said, through clenched teeth. 

"Only if you _kindly_ stop with the 'young people nowadays' rubbish," said Fred, his frustrated tone easily matching Lingsworth's.

"Give me reason to, and I will," replied Lingsworth stiffly, raising his nose into the air. "Honestly, if you three were any ruder than you are now, then I should think you'd break the record for rudeness!"

"Yeah, and if you were an inch _taller_, then you could pass as a gnome," replied Fred coolly.

"That's enough!" sputtered Lingsworth, his face burning as he seemed to lose what little remained of his patience. "You little hooligans are in no postion to make immature jeers at me."

"Oh, so _we're _the 'little' ones, are we?" said George, looking pointedly at Lingsworth. 

"ENOUGH!" shouted Lingsworth in a rather loud voice for one so small and irritable. He turned back to the crowd, all common sense seeming to vanish from his eyes. "This is exactly what I've been saying!" he yelled, pointing to Fred, George, and Lee. "Are we going to let these young ruffians get away with this?" 

"NO!" bellowed the crowd as one.

"Then let us teach them a lesson!" cried Lingsworth. 

The crowd roared in approval, but when they turned back to Fred, George, and Lee, it was to see that the three boys were sprinting away.

"AFTER THEM!" yelled Lingsworth, very nearly being trampled by the crowd as they dashed after the boys.

"You know what? I don't reckon that guy should be talking about how to reduce public violence!" gasped George as the crowd closed in behind them.

"What was your first clue?" asked Fred sarcastically.

"I reckon it was the gnome thing that started it, Fred," said Lee as they ran.

"Well, he's hardly taller than Flitwick...who's _much_ nicer, I might add!" said Fred.

"We can't outrun them for long," said Lee, beginning to tire. "Any...ideas?"

"This way!" gasped George, darting into an alley. 

Fred and Lee followed. The crowd rounded the corner seconds later, halting abruptly as they entered it. There was no sign of the three boys. The only things that could be seen were the dumpsters from the surrounding buildings and several old newspapers that littered the ground.

"Where are they?" asked a man, staring down the alley to the street on the other side.

"They couldn't have gotten all the way through before we got here, we were right behind them!" said another.

"They must have. Come on!" said Lingsworth, leading the crowd at a run as they ran through the alley and onto the street on the other side. 

As soon as they had gone, the lid of one of the dumpsters was thrown open and Fred, George, and Lee climbed out.

"Ugh, yuck!" said Lee, removing a rotting banana peel from his shoulder and tossing it back into the dumpster.

"I've smelled Dungbombs that didn't smell that bad," commented George, waving his hand in front of his face in an effort to clear the air of the smell as they stepped back onto the sidewalk outside of the alley.

"Yeah, well I've smelled _Slytherins_ that smelled better than that, and that's saying something, said Fred as George and Lee nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Let's get as far away from here as we can before that bloke and his friends come back," said Lee wisely. "I wouldn't fancy having to take another dive in a dumpster."

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Yep, I told you that Dr. Lingsworth wasn't the most pleasant little bloke to own! *tosses Lingsworth into a dumpster and slams the lid* Let's see how he likes it!

Response to reviewers:

carlos-s. lover: Good thing they didn't lose your owl, because I don't want any of my characters killed before the story's over, thank you very much! *grins* Don't worry, they won't blow up planet Earth-- *is shoved out of computer chair by Fred, George, and Lee*

Lee: Blow up a planet? 

Fred: We've never done _that _before!

George: Great idea, though, thanks!

*shoves the three of them away* Er...maybe Earth isn't as safe as I thought. :-)

Estenark: I'm glad you liked it! I'm not exactly sure where to send them next, but I have a few ideas...let's just hope they don't do anything...well, anything like they would normally do once they get there! :-)

S.D. Chesko: I know, those girls were pretty thick, huh? Ah, but then again, who could resist the Weasley charm (which I'm sure you know all about! *cough-Rupurt Grint-cough*) As to the comment on J.K. Rowling, I will be her as soon as my Polyjuice Potion is done. *Polyjuice Potion blows up* What the--FRED! GEORGE! LEE! Argh, I shouldn't have left them alone with it! Well, I've got to go see if it can be saved (and hunt myself some redheads and their friend as well!)

Bye for now, and don't forget to review!


	4. Chapter 4: Breaking the Silence

Author's Note: This one seemed to be one of the readers' favorite chapters, so I hope it's even better now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fred, George, or Lee, and considering what they do in this chapter, that's probably a good thing! 

Chapter 4: Breaking the Silence

They walked for about twenty minutes, keeping a wary eye out for Dr. Lingsworth as they did so.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Lee, nodding his head at a large building in the distance. 

George shrugged. "Dunno. Let's have a look," he said, so the three of them changed direction and headed toward the building. 

As they neared, they saw that it wasn't, as Lee had previously thought, a mere building, but a palace. (a/n: Buckingham Palace, to be precise! ^ ^ ) The three boys approached the iron gate that surrounded the palace and leaned against it as they surveyed the castle.

"Well, it's no Hogwarts, but it's still not too bad looking," commented Lee. 

George nodded in agreement. "Yeah, whoever lives here must be royalty or something," he said. "What do you reckon, Fred? Fred?" 

Fred was looking past Lee and George with a rather mischievous look on his face. When George called his name the second time, Fred shifted his gaze back to George and Lee.

"I reckon that bloke got dressed in the dark, that's what," he said, nodding his head to where a guard in black pants, a red shirt, and a fuzzy black hat stood, his face expressionless as he gazed straight ahead. Lee and George's faces changed smoothly to match Fred's.

"Shall we?" asked Lee, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh yes," said George, smirking as they headed over to the guard.

"Hey mate, why're you dressed like that?" inquired Fred, cocking his head to the side as he regarded the guard, who didn't even glance down at Fred. The three boys glanced at each other, then Fred took a step closer to the guard and waved his hand in front of the guard's face.

"Hello? Anybody home?" he asked, causing George and Lee to snicker slightly, but arousing no reaction whatsoever from the guard. Fred stopped waving his hand and returned to George and Lee, slightly frustrated.

"What's up with him, anyway?" he muttered to George and Lee. Lee shrugged. 

"Dunno," he said. "Ask him something else."

"I'll do it," said George in the tone of one excepting a bold challenge. He stepped up to the guard and clearing his throat loudly. The guard didn't even look at him.

"So, are you always this talkative, or have I just caught you on a good day?" he asked. 

No reply. Undaunted, he tried again. Leaning closer to the guard, he whispered, "Um, mate, I dunno if you knew or not, but killing a cat to make a hat is considered cruelty to animals nowadays." 

Still, the guard said nothing. Frowning in the same defeated manner that his twin had, George returned to Fred and Lee. 

"You know, I reckon he really opened up to you," said Fred lightly.

"Yeah, he'll probably never shut up now," put in Lee with a grin.

"Let's see _you_ try, then," said George, slightly agitated. "Go on, show us how it's done!"

"Gladly," said Lee, striding past George and up to the guard. He smiled cheerfully as he approached.

"How's it going?" he asked brightly. The guard did not respond. Lee nodded as if in understanding.

"Ah, I see. Don't want to talk about it, eh? Fine, we'll talk about something else. Say, that's an interesting uniform. Think your mum could make me one too?" he asked. 

The guard ignored the comment about his uniform being made by his mother and simply continued to gaze off into the distance.

"Gee, Lee, I reckon he'll start talking any time now," called Fred. 

Lee turned and made a face at him before turning back to the guard, determined not to go back to his friends until he succeeded in getting some sort of sound out of his silent opponent. Then, he smiled as he withdrew a Dungbomb from his pocket. This time, the guard's gaze flickered down to look at the Dungbomb before he continued to gaze straight ahead as Lee continued to grin.

"Want to hold it?" he asked, holding out the Dungbomb. The guard didn't take it.

"No?" said Lee. "Well, alright, then. I'll just--oops!' he said as he "accidentally" dropped the Dungbomb. 

Instantly, a foul-smelling green haze filled the air around the guard.

"Ugh!" cried the guard, his silence finally ending as he clapped his hand white-gloved hand over his mouth, coughing and sputtering against the stench. 

Lee walked back over to a cheering Fred and George, grinning broadly.

"And _that_," he said, taking an exaggerated bow as Fred and George clapped him on the back, "Is how it's done."

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Boy, would I hate to be that guard right about now! **:-)**

Response to reviewers:

S.D. Chesko: Glad you like Fred, George, and Lee. As to your revenge, bring it on, former-Rupurt Grint-fan (and post a story while you're at it! I know you have one!) :-)

carlos-s. lover: I'm glad you like this story. I like yours too! As to the matter of Fred, George, and Lee blowing up the Earth, I'm happy to say that they decided against it (I think it was the "no future joke shop" that did it! *grins*) However, they've asked me to tell you that while Earth is safe, Mars is another story entirely...

Zel: I know what you mean. I've read lots of humor fics, and you're right about there being lots of poor grammar and things like that. I'm glad you like mine, though! :-)

koolcat: I thought about having them go to a restaurant, and I actually wrote this chapter with that happening, but then, I got the idea for the guard and decided to do that instead. Hope you liked it!

Psychozzy: I know, I was really sad when they left school too, but I'm glad they managed to make sure that a certain Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher would _never_ manage to forget them even if she tried before they left! 

Angelina: Glad you liked chapter two better, and yes, Fred, George, and Lee do rock! That's why I thought it would be so much fun to write a fic with them as the main characters. :-)

Dracos Princess: Yeah, the way these three manage to cause so much trouble (and still seem so innocent!) is one of my favorite things in the books. Also, thank you for putting my story on your favorites list! I'm sure that Fred, George, and Lee are just as honored as I am. :-)

__

Imperio! There, now that I have you all under my control, I COMMAND you to review! BWAHAHAHA--*hacking cough* HAHA!


	5. Chapter 5: Excitement in Retirement

Author's Note: I originally thought up this chapter while my grandparents came to visit, and it's probably my personal favorite. Still, there was a bit that needed fixing, and it reads a bit smoother now (I hope).

Disclaimer: I do not own Fred, George, or Lee. I'm just borrowing them, but not to worry! They will be returned intact...er, maybe not _intact_. Okay, they will be returned _alive_ when I'm through with them!

Chapter 5: Excitement in Retirement

"Who would've thought that Muggle London could be this much fun?" said Lee, as they made their way down the street, still laughing about the palace guard. 

Fred nodded.

"Yeah, remember--" he began, but George cut him off.

"Lingsworth!" said George suddenly, stopping dead in his tracks. 

Fred shook his head distractedly. "Actually, I was going to say--"

"No, Fred, _there's Lingsworth_!" said Lee, pointing across the street with a panicked look on his face. 

Fred looked, and as he did so, Dr. Lingsworth looked over and saw them. They watched in horror as he shouted something to the crowd of people with him and began to charge toward Fred, George, and Lee.

"Any ideas?" muttered Lee.

"One," Fred muttered back.

"What's that?" Lee asked quickly as Lingsworth and the mob approached.

"RUN!" bellowed Fred, and the three of them took off.

"Can't we work this out?" called George over his shoulder. Loud cries of anger and words that would have made Mrs. Weasley faint were the only responses he got as the crowd continued to chase them.

"I'm not sure, George, but I think that's a 'no!'" yelled Lee above the sound of their shoes pounding the pavement.

"Thanks, I never would have guessed!" snarled George . 

They rounded a corner and saw a door.

"In here!" said Lee, wrenching the door open and bolting inside after Fred and George, slamming the door behind them. 

They leaned against the door to catch their breaths as Lingsworth and his mob ran by outside. As they looked around, they saw that they were in some sort of waiting room. Several cushioned chairs lined the walls, and a coffee table in a corner was piled with magazines that, judging by the considerable amount of dust on them and the many rips and tears their covers, were quite old.

"Where are we?" muttered George. 

"Dunno. Ask her," said Lee, jerking his head toward where a woman in a white skirt and a blouse was sitting behind a desk, reading a magazine. 

She set aside the magazine as they approached. Before they could even open their mouths to speak, she said, "Welcome to the London Retirement Home. Have you come to visit your grandparents?"

"Er...yeah, that's right," said George quickly before Fred or Lee could say different. The woman nodded and pointed to a set of doors.

"Just head through there. You might try the Dining Hall," she added, picking up her magazine and going back to her reading.

"Thanks," said George, heading to the door and tugging a rather confused Fred and Lee behind him. After they'd gone through the doors, Fred stopped and asked, "What was that all about?"

"Well," said George, "Unless you'd like to go back outside and say hello to Lingsworth and his friends, I thought it'd be a good idea to lay low here for a while."

"Good thinking," said Lee.

"Yeah. Come on, let's have a look around while we're here," said Fred, so they set off down the tiled hallway with white walls. 

Almost immediately, they halted in front of an open door that had a sign reading "Dining Hall" on the wall next to it.

"Well, she did say to look in the Dining Hall," said Lee.

"May as well," replied Fred, smirking as they entered. 

As they stepped through the doors and into the large room, the smell of cologne that was probably older than its wearers invaded their nostrils and caused Fred, George, and Lee to choke. The room was full of elderly people seated at several small tables, eating soft foods and arguing over things such as who had the best-looking grandchildren. Next to the door, there was what looked like a buffet with food that could be easily chewed and digested spread out over an aged yellow tablecloth.

"Ugh, they actually _eat_ this stuff?" said George, a revolted look on his face as they surveyed the food table. 

Lee picked up the ladle in what might have been a dish of beans and let the beans drop back into the pan.

"Yuck!" he said, tossing the ladle back into the pan and splattering Fred with beans. 

Fred looked down at his bean-covered shirt as Lee and George laughed. Then, he scooped a handful of the beans out of the pot and smirked at Lee, who stopped laughing.

"Here, Lee, have some beans," he said, reaching back his arm and hurling the beans at Lee. Unfortunately, Lee ducked, and the beans hit George right in the face.

"Sorry, George!" said Fred, laughing along with Lee as George used his hands to wipe the beans off of his face. He raised an eyebrow at Fred.

"No problem," he said lightly. 

Then, quick as lightning, he scooped up a handful of beans and aimed for Fred. Unfortunately, some bean juice on his forehead trickled down into his eyes.

"Argh!" he said, closing his eyes as they began to sting and blindly tossing the beans in his hand. 

With a _splat_, they landed on the back of an old man's head. The old man, thinking someone at the table behind him was the culprit, scooped a handful of yams from his plate and threw them at an old lady who was taking a sip of her water. The yams splattered all over her face.

"FOOD FIGHT!" yelled an old man next to her in a wheezy voice. 

Their own matters instantly forgotten, Fred, George, and Lee watched in astonishment as food of every different color and degree of mushiness began to fly in all directions, only coming to their senses when an enormous amount of Jell-O hit Fred in the face. 

Wiping the Jell-O hastily from his eyes, Fred turned and grabbed three trays off of the food table, handing Lee and George one and holding his up like a shield as a rather large blob of mashed potatoes came at him, splattering against the tray instead of his face.

"Come on!" he yelled to George and Lee over the yells and splattering of food. "This means war!" 

He grabbed a bag of rolls, ripped off the top, then shouted, "BOMBS AWAY!" as he threw the bag through the air, rolls raining down onto the heads of several people. 

An old man threw a piece of custard pie at him in revenge for the roll that had hit him on the head, but Fred held up his tray just in time. Lowering his tray, he yelled, "YOU MISSED--" but he was cut off as an entire dish of custard pie splattered onto his face.

Meanwhile, Lee had dashed to the other side of the room, seized a bottle of ginger ale, and was now shaking it vigorously as an old lady made to throw a plate of spinach at him.

"Oh no you don't!" he yelled, taking careful aim before removing the lid and spraying the woman with the clear soda. When the ginger ale stopped spraying, he chucked the bottle through the air so that what was left of the soda poured over the heads of the crowd as the bottle soared through the air.

Across the room, George jumped onto a table and held his tray like a bat. "Alright, try and get me!" he challenged, swinging his tray and hitting an on-coming roll away from him. 

Lee leapt onto another table and began a commentary on the food fight, dodging food as he did so and speaking into a spoon as though it was a microphone.

"And we have an old bloke with a handful of steamed carrots!" he yelled gleefully, ducking to avoid a blob of pudding. "He's looking around...he's throwing...OH! Hit from behind by a roll thrown by an old woman in a pink sweater! Nice one, Miss!" he shouted, and the woman gave him a thumbs up as a piece of pie landed in her hair. 

Lee turned his attention over to where Fred had joined George on a nearby table, each of them armed with a pan of food and shouting challenges to those around them as they threw handfuls of food at the people.

"Hey! Bloke! Yeah, you!" bellowed Fred, pointing at an old man in a gray sweater. "You call _that_ a throw?" 

"Our grandmother throws harder than that--" began George.

"--and she lost both her arms in a freak Potion accident!" finished Fred, ducking quickly as the man threw a handful of pudding at him. 

Lee returned to his commentary.

"And we have Fred and George Weasley with two pots of beans between them. Fred grabs some beans...he dodges a roll, takes aim, and--ARGH! I'M HIT!" he yelled as a bowl of yams hit him in the face. 

All of a sudden, the woman who'd been sitting behind the desk in the waiting room burst inside, a panicked look on her face.

"STOP!" she shouted, running into the midst of the food fight and waving her arms frantically to try and restore order. "STOP! STOP! ST--" she began, but was cut off as a blob of mashed potatoes hit her in the face. 

"Uh-oh!" muttered Fred as he spotted her, turning to George and pulling him off of the table before the lady could clear her face of mashed potatoes and see them.

"Come on!" he said quickly as he and George crouched under a table. "Let's go before she sees us. I wouldn't fancy having to explain all this to her."

"Good thinking," said George. 

Crawling on their hands and knees, the two of them headed for the door. 

Lee, meanwhile, was still commentating.

"And an old man...er, sorry, Miss, my mistake! Correction, folks, an old _woman_ winds up with a roll in her hand. She's aiming...the roll is in the air...it's headed right for a bloke over near the custard pie! Look out, mate! Oh, too late! And over here, we have--"

"LEE!" bellowed Fred. 

Lee turned and saw Fred and George near the door, gesturing wildly for him to come so they could leave.

"Well, it's been a pleasure, folks. Bye, then!" called Lee brightly, hopping down from the table and running over to the door, dodging food as he ran. 

The three of them ran into the hall and slammed the door behind them as a bowl of applesauce crashed into it on the other side.

"Phew!" said Fred, grinning and trying to wipe the food out of his hair as they made for the exit. "Now _that_ was a food fight!"

"Yeah, who would've thought that Muggle retirement homes were so exciting?" said Lee as they reached the exit. "Maybe we should look into them further when we're old and senile."

"Forget the excitement; I never expected them to be so messy," added George, looking down at his food-splattered shirt as they stepped outside. "Honestly, if Mum wants to kill us when she finds us, I reckon she'll have to hose us down first."

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Man, what I would give to have been a part of that food fight! Only one more chapter after this one! :-( 

Response to reviewers: 

koolcat: Wow, that makes people look at me funny? *looks around and waves cheerily at the staring people* Oh well! :-) 

S.D. Chesko: Still waiting for you to "bring it on"! *yawns* Anyway, I've always wanted to annoy the guards too, so I made Fred, George, and Lee do it for me, and I think they did a rather good job of it! *applauds the three of them* Yes, I was referring to that story. Do you still need help posting it? Call me! My grandparents are leaving on Sunday, so I could come and help you...if you pay me! !-)

MarauderLuver4-ever: What? My curse didn't work? *examines wand* Hm...maybe I should get this thing checked...*grins* Glad you reviewed anyway, and as to your suggestion, I think it'll take more than an explosion to destract Mrs. Weasley once she finds Fred, George, and Lee (actually, when she yells at them, it will probably be as loud as an explosion anyway)! :-)

carlos-s. lover: Good thing you never liked Mars, because the three of them are going to need something to do once all this is over...*grins evilly*

Ravenclaw@Heart: Ha ha! My curse worked! *grins* I'm glad you like this story, and yeah, the poor guard, he was just no match for Fred, George, and Lee. *is shoved out of computer chair by Fred*

Fred: Actually, it was Lee's Dungbomb that he was no match for.

*shoves him away* Alright, he was just no match for Lee's Dungbomb! 

TiGgEr5: Glad you think it's interesting! Hope you liked the chapter! :-)

Alright, now this is the part where I normally ask you to review. Well, I decided to let Fred, George, and Lee do it today!

Fred: Come on, people, review!

George: You know you want to!

Lee: And if you don't review--

Fred: --then you might want to be careful about the food you eat--

George: --because we'll be sticking Canary Creams into your food!

All: Now go review!

Fred: And remember, if you don't...*waves Canary Cream threateningly*


	6. Chapter 6: Out With a Bang

Author's Note: This is it! 

Fred: The big one.

George: The one you've all been waiting for.

Lee: The one where we keep this author's note going forever so that you can't ever find out what happens!

Me: Just kidding...maybe. *devilish grin*

P.S. Since this is the last chapter, I decided to leave the original author's note (above) in addition to this one. I hope I've managed to improve the story in some aspects!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fred, George, and Lee. They all belong to J.K. Rowling in real life, and to Mrs. Weasley in the story, (well, not Lee, but you know what I mean) though if _she_ wants to sell them once she finds them...

Chapter 6: Out With a Bang

Several people stared at the three boys as they made their way down the street, no doubt because of the food that covered their clothes.

"What?" demanded Fred as a passing woman shook her head at the state of his clothes. "Haven't you heard? Applesauce is all the rage nowadays!"

"Yeah, it's the latest thing in fashion, second only to pudding," put in Lee, grinning broadly at the indignant look on the woman's face as she strode off. 

"Guess some people just don't appreciate originality," he said, shrugging lightly.

"Or rudeness, for that matter," said a cold voice from behind them. 

All three of them gave a collective groan as they recognized the voice and turned to see Dr. Lingsworth and his mob approaching, looks of triumph on their faces.

"Determined little gnome, aren't you?" said Fred, shaking his head and causing Lingsworth to redden with fury.

"AFTER THEM!" yelled Lingsworth as Fred, George, and Lee took off up the street, the crowd in hot pursuit. 

"You'd think he'd get tired of this eventually!" said Fred in a bored tone. "I know I have."

"Forget tired, I thought that crowd would've trampled him by now, small as he is," added Lee.

Most unfortunately, Lingsworth heard him, and he urged the crowd on faster.

"In here!" hissed Lee, leading Fred and George into a museum. 

The mob followed, calling out that the boys were now trapped.

"What now?" asked George as they sprinted across the tiled floor.

"Up here, quick!" said Lee, leading them around a corner and up a flight of stairs. 

They reached the top and lay flat on their stomachs, the railing along the top of the stairs providing something of a hiding place. Below, Lingsworth and his mob halted abruptly.

"Where are they?" he grumbled, looking around furiously.

"Lee, got any more Dungbombs?" whispered Fred.

Next to him, Lee nodded, reached into his pocket, and handed Fred three Dungbombs. "Here," he muttered. "What are you going to do?"

"Exterminate our little gnome," whispered Fred grimly, before standing and chucking the Dungbomb as hard as he could in the direction of Lingsworth and his mob. 

The Dungbombs hit the floor right in front of Lingsworth and immediately, a greenish haze like that which had engulfed the palace guard earlier that day filled the air along with a lurid smell. Lee and George stood as well, smirking as Lingsworth's mob covered their mouths and noses with their hands and made a mad dash for the exit. Lingsworth, on the other hand, lingered, coughing and sputtering as he glowered up at the three boys.

"You three won't get away with this!" he yelled, shaking his finger furiously in their direction.

"Odd, it looks as though we just did," called Lee lightly. Lingsworth glared at him.

"Someday, I'll--" 

"--get a ladder so that you can talk to our faces and not to our legs?" suggested Fred.

_"No!" _shouted Lingsworth, fuming. "We'll meet again! Then you'll all pay!"

"Well, let's hope you've grown some by then," said Fred as Lingsworth gave them one more furious look and stormed away.

"Well, that's got _him_ off our backs," said Lee, looking after Lingsworth as though he was a slug.

"Yeah," agreed George, before he looked around at the various paintings and sculptures in the surrounding area. "Should we have a quick look around before we leave?"

"It would be a crime not to," said Fred, the trademark glint of mischief growing in his eyes as he looked around as well.

They all set off down a long rug that led through a large room, commenting on several paintings as they went.

"That's a _person_?" said Fred as he looked at a picture. "I thought it was a horse!" 

"Try squinting your eyes," suggested Lee. 

Fred complied.

"Nah, now it looks like Snape in a dress," he said, screwing up his face in disgust.

"Ugh! Don't they know that there's children in here?" said George, a revolted look on his face as he too examined the picture.

"Look over there!" said Lee, pointing to a painting that looked like nothing more than a child's scribbling. They headed over to it.

"Hm...well, if that's art, then I must be an artist, because I've been scribbling like that since I was four," said Fred.

"It's a famous piece of art, judging by what this plaque says," said George, indicating a small golden plaque on the wall next to the painting.

"Looks more like a famous piece of _string_, if you ask me," said Lee. 

They continued walking. After a few minutes, they came to a water fountain with several Muggle coins scattered across the bottom. Fred halted in front of it and grinned as he pulled out a large sack of Filibuster's Fabulous No-Heat, Wet-Start Fireworks.

"Let's show these Muggles what real art looks like," he said amidst snickers from George and Lee. 

With a devilish grin, he ripped open the bag and tossed all of the fireworks into the fountain. Instantly, a deafening exploding sound filled the air, along with several sparks of every color imaginable that began to spin wildly all over the room, causing several Muggles to scream and run away in fright. The smoke from the fireworks caused the water devices in the ceiling to activate, and it wasn't long before everyone and everything in the room was completely drenched. Fred, George, and Lee whooped and hollered amidst the chaos, running and sliding on the wet floor as several Muggles slipped and fell to the floor or into each other.

"This is great!" yelled Fred as a rather large firework chased after a group of small children.

"Definitely one for the record books," added Lee, executing a spectacular stomach slide on the wet floor.

"Yeah, it's --" began George, but a voice from behind him interrupted.

"--the last time I leave the three of you alone!" said the voice, sounding quite angry. 

Fred, George, and Lee whirled around and saw Mrs. Weasley, soaked and furious-looking, standing in front of them. Lee got up hastily from his position on the floor and brushed his sopping hair out of his face while Fred and George made identical sounds of unease.

"Hi, Mum, what brings you here?" said Fred, doing his best to appear light-hearted about the whole thing in hopes that Mrs. Weasley would as well. His plan failed miserably.

"WHAT BRINGS ME HERE?" bellowed Mrs. Weasley, causing Fred to shrink back to George and Lee. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT BRINGS ME HERE, FREDRICK JOSEPH WEASLEY!"

"Uh-oh," muttered Lee to Fred. "I reckon she's really mad if she's using middle names, mate." 

Mrs. Weasley glowered at them.

"WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?" she yelled. "RUNNING AROUND IN MUGGLE LONDON! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN _MUGGED_! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN _KIDNAPPED_! YOU--" 

"Mum, I hate to interrupt," interjected George quickly, though secretly he was glad for any break in his mother's fury, "But we're going to be _drowned _if we stand here much longer!" 

It was true; already they were dripping wet from the water devices, which showed no sign of relenting their continuous pour of water. 

Mrs. Weasley glowered at him, but seemed to see the sense in George's words, for she snapped, "Come on, then! I'm taking you all home this instant, and woe betide you when I tell your father about this."

"I don't know about that," muttered Fred to George and Lee as they followed Mrs. Weasley out of the building and back to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Don't know about what?" muttered Lee back. .

"About Dad being angry with us," said Fred, a trace of a smirk showing on his face despite the scolding Mrs. Weasley was sure to continue once they reached the Burrow. "You know how he is about Muggles; he'll probably wish he could've come with us!"

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Well, there you go, I'm done! I had so much fun writing this story! In fact, I'm considering a sequel, but only if anyone wants me to do one.

Fred: Which they won't.

*shoves him away* Also, I have to go back to school next week, *grumbles and wonders if Fred, George, and Lee could fill my school with Filibuster Fireworks and Dungbombs so that I won't be able to go back* so if I do a sequel, I won't be able to update as often. I'm also working on a romance between Draco and Ginny, but that won't be done for quite a while either. *sulks* 

That aside, thank you to everyone who reviewed this story, whether once or every single time! You made this story all the more enjoyable for me to write.

Response to reviewers:

lightyearsaway: I'm glad you liked it and wanted me to continue. Hope you liked the ending!

carlos-s. lover: What? You don't want a Canary Cream? *smiles innocently* Why not? They're yummy! *pops Canary Cream into mouth/ turns into a canary/ poops on Lingsworth's head/ turns back to normal* You're right about Fred, George, and Lee having to watch out! If it hadn't been for George cutting her off when he did, they'd probably _still_ be getting yelled at! And as to Mars, I've forbidden them to blow it up, but then again, they don't even listen to their own mother, so I don't know how much good that did...

S.D. Chesko: *chuckles* So, they're living out all your hopes and dreams, huh? What? The old people are _running?_ If _I _lived in a retirement home and knew you were coming, I'd get on a jet plane! !-) Don't worry about this being the last chapter, because I'm considering a sequel, but since you go to the same school I do, you know just how much we're going to have to do once school starts, so I won't be able to update as often. AAAAHHHH!!!! Too...many..."or the next day" 's! 

koolcat: Don't worry; they won't give you a Canary Cream! I had to handle all of those myself since everyone reviewed, and I'm beginning to grow rather fond of them...*throws Canary Cream at Lingsworth and whistles innocently as it smacks him on the head* Anyway, sorry I wasn't able to use your idea in this story, but I'll try and work it into the sequel, as I would really like to see them in a movie theater as well! :-)

TiGgEr5: I wish I were in that food fight too! That was probably my favorite chapter to write. Oh dear, I seem to have annoyed you with the "Only one more chapter" thing. *chuckles* Well, I'm thinking about doing a sequel, and I've already got a few ideas on where to send them, so don't worry.

Estenark: I'm glad you liked Lee commentating! I actually laughed a bit while I wrote that part because it just seemed like something he would do. I'm also glad that you liked the chapter about the guard. If I had been that guy, I would have forgotten about my training and snapped too. Then again, I don't think they can really train anyone enough to where they could stand up to Fred, George, and Lee for long! :-)

Psychozzy: Yeah, I could just see them starting a food fight too! I just _had_ to put Lee as commentator, and I think he enjoyed himself quite a bit. *winks at Lee, who responds with a thumbs-up* 

MarauderLuver4-ever: Too bad you didn't warn the three of them sooner, because now, they've got to face the only thing scarier than Lingsworth in a thong: Mrs. Weasley while she's angry! :-) Do you really love spinach, or are you just telling them the name of a food you don't like so they'll stick it there and you won't have to worry?

George: Because we'll just stick them in _everything_ you eat if that's the case!

Me: No you won't! She reviewed, so she's safe!

George: *curses in disappointment*

Goodbye, adios, buh-bye, see ya, later, catch you on the flip side, namarie, fare thee well, bye then, and all other words that mean "goodbye"!

Also, Fanfiction.net is still being weird with my pen name, and I'm starting to think that it's a permanent problem, so if you use Fido, look up "K.D.Toling" instead of "K.D. Toling." (You have to squish it together!) Or you can always look me up in the Directory.

Oh, and don't forget to send me one more review telling me what you thought of the last chapter and whether or not you want a sequel! :-)

-K.D. Toling

P.S. The note you just read was the original closing note, but, as was the case with the opening author's note in this chapter, I decided to leave it since this is the last chapter. The sequel to this story's already up, and I'll probably end up revising it as well one of these days. I hope you enjoyed the story, and if this is your first time reading it, drop me a review. I'd love to hear from you even though the story's over.

Until whenever,

-K.D. Toling


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